What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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