i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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