The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
