I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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