you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
50% drunk capacity currently
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
