this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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