I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
