i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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