Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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