She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm bleeding and have questions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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