Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
