At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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