if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
