I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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