3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
