I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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