You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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