nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
