I accidentally burped into my bong.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
