Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
