The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
