just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
