Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
