Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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