Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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