Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
