great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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