two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
