I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
third nipple confirmed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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