OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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