I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
