I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
