where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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