it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
