Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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