then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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