its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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