I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
