I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
