i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
