I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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