somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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