no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
