When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
