SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
