porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
