Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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