She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
