I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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