Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
