sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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