Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
