So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
