What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
