Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
false alarm. still invincible.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
