I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
