we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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