Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
