Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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