three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
