so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
