Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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