A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
