she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
