I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
