I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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