I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
