do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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