I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You can't motorboat a personality
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
