Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
