Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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