Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
