1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
