fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
