I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
