so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
