Do you still have your period?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
