You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize