so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
