i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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