community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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