Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My vagina just recognized that song.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
