I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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