I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
