Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
