dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
