Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
