You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
