Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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