I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
