I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
