If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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