so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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