yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
